The hidden cost of comfort: why struggle is essential for growth
A philosophical exploration of how avoiding challenges stunts our development and what we can learn from the emperor moth's transformation journey.
I was sitting at a small café in Stuttgart last week, watching people hurry past in the rain. Something about their rushed movements, the way they sought shelter, reminded me of our natural tendency to avoid discomfort.
It sparked a memory of an old story that I'd like to share with you today.
The emperor moth's lesson
A man once found a cocoon of an emperor moth and took it home to witness its transformation.
One day, a small opening appeared. For hours, he watched the moth struggle to force its swollen body through that tiny crack.
The moth fought. It wriggled. It pushed with everything it had.
But progress was painfully slow.
Feeling compassionate, the man decided to help. He carefully cracked open the cocoon, creating a wider path for the moth.
The moth emerged quickly, but something was wrong.
Its body remained swollen. Its wings were shrivelled and motionless.
Days passed. The moth never flew.
Only later did the man learn a powerful truth: the struggle to break free from the cocoon serves a crucial purpose. It forces fluid from the moth's body into its wings, preparing them for flight.
By "helping," he had inadvertently crippled the moth.
🧠 The painful struggle wasn't the problem—it was the solution.
The comfort paradox in our lives
How often do we see this pattern repeating in our own journeys?
When I dropped out of Loyola College in 2015, everyone around me was concerned. My parents worried I was avoiding the necessary struggle of completing my education.
What they couldn't see was that I was exchanging one struggle for another—one that aligned better with my path - AIESEC, where I willingly embraced difficulties that others avoided:
➡️ Cold connections with potential partners when my peers were afraid of rejection
➡️ Taking on the challenge of leading Youth Speak Forum when no one else would step up
➡️ Moving to Nepal as Country Director despite the cultural and professional uncertainties
Each struggle shaped me in ways that comfort never could.
Growth requires resistance
Your entire life transforms when you recognise that meaningful growth feeds on purposeful struggle.
Think about how muscles develop. They don't grow during comfortable activities—they grow when pushed to their limits, when microscopic tears force them to rebuild stronger.
Our minds, capabilities, and resilience follow the same pattern.
💡 Growth isn't a byproduct of ease. It's a byproduct of struggle.
The struggles we commonly avoid
It's easy to opt out of the struggles that catalyse growth:
• We procrastinate on an important project
• We avoid the difficult conversation
• We hide from the internal work
• We skip the challenging workouts
• We dodge the deep work
• We run from the hard questions
• We numb ourselves with cheap dopamine
Each avoidance might feel like self-care in the moment, but it's self-sabotage in disguise.
I've seen this pattern repeatedly in the youth employment space through my work with Unschool. Students choose comfortable paths with immediate rewards like getting a certificate, over challenging journeys which require practice and learning.
🤔 What growth are you starving with the struggle you're avoiding?
The freedom-struggle connection
Long-term freedom is earned through a willingness to endure short-term struggle.
This truth has been a cornerstone of everything I discuss on my Whatever Matters podcast. When interviewing entrepreneurs and thought leaders, I'm consistently struck by how their greatest breakthroughs emerged from their most challenging periods.
Consider these connections:
➡️ Financial freedom requires the discipline of delayed gratification
➡️ Relationship depth comes from working through conflicts
➡️ Creative breakthroughs follow periods of frustration
➡️ Professional mastery demands years of deliberate practice
The most beautiful transformations require the most significant tensions.
Embracing the right struggles
Not all struggles are created equal. The key is discerning which challenges will forge you and which will simply break you.
When moving to Germany last year, I faced countless technical and cultural challenges that were initially frustrating. Yet these very obstacles have pushed us to create something more robust and innovative than we initially envisioned.
The resistance wasn't just an obstacle—it was our teacher.
The way forward
The next time you find yourself in a struggle—feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and tempted to quit—remember the emperor moth.
The resistance may be the very thing shaping you into someone who can fly.
When facing a challenge, ask yourself:
Am I avoiding it primarily because it's uncomfortable?
What capabilities might this struggle be developing in me?
Remember: The growth you requested is hidden in the struggle you avoid.
➡️ Your future self is forged in the fires of today's challenges.
Finding your meaningful struggle
How do you distinguish between productive struggles and unnecessary suffering?
Productive struggles have purpose and direction—they're challenging but lead toward growth in areas that matter to you. Unnecessary suffering lacks meaning or progress. I find that productive struggles, while difficult, often come with a sense of engagement and forward movement, even when progress is slow.
Isn't some comfort necessary for well-being?
Absolutely. The goal isn't to eliminate comfort but to recognise when comfort becomes a cage rather than a resource. Comfort should be a place we rest, not a place we hide. In my newsletter, I often explore this balance between pushing ourselves and sustainable self-care.
Remember: The growth you requested is hidden in the struggle you avoid.
➡️ Your future self is forged in the fires of today's challenges.